Victoria, what a piercingly vivid moment between your father and your sisters. Parents never want to admit they have a favorite child, and kids are certain that they do. Kids also have a knack for hearing what they want or expect to hear, and tuning out the rest, the “at this moment.” Our feelings toward others shift from moment to moment, a tough idea for kids to understand.
I am fascinated by sibling relationships and have seen some interesting research on the impact of parental favoritism. It hurts the perceived favorite too, and it casts a long shadow on sibling bonds between grownups.
Thanks, Rona. I am incredibly lucky in my sisters-- they are my favorite people in the world. The divorce made us allies instead of rivals, I think, and we remain close, even when things get complicated. What an immeasurable gift that has been in my life!
This is a moving and poignant essay, Victoria. I guess the young Victoria was experimenting with rocking the boat by insisting on an answer to her question?
Thank you, Kate. It's tricky to acknowledge the rivalries and also get over them, isn't it? I feel grateful that my sisters and I manage them as well as we do, still.
“I kind of knew, even then, that my father was behaving badly. It’s one of my first awarenesses of that—among many to come.” You grab me and hold me here. Nothing like the dawning awareness of a parent’s flaws ! I love the layered look-back you provide of this memory. It’s amazing how something we’ve seen one way transforms over time. There was a day I realized I could probably write and examine my past with my artist parents forever. I love the close examination of a single moment, as you provide here.
Unfortunately, yep. By the way, in case you haven't read it, I think you might really enjoy the memoir 'Deceived with Kindness' by Angelica Garnett (Virginia Woolf's neice). Lots of parallels.
Victoria, what a piercingly vivid moment between your father and your sisters. Parents never want to admit they have a favorite child, and kids are certain that they do. Kids also have a knack for hearing what they want or expect to hear, and tuning out the rest, the “at this moment.” Our feelings toward others shift from moment to moment, a tough idea for kids to understand.
I am fascinated by sibling relationships and have seen some interesting research on the impact of parental favoritism. It hurts the perceived favorite too, and it casts a long shadow on sibling bonds between grownups.
Thanks, Rona. I am incredibly lucky in my sisters-- they are my favorite people in the world. The divorce made us allies instead of rivals, I think, and we remain close, even when things get complicated. What an immeasurable gift that has been in my life!
This is a moving and poignant essay, Victoria. I guess the young Victoria was experimenting with rocking the boat by insisting on an answer to her question?
Ha. I didn't think of connecting the pieces that way, but you may be right! Thanks, Jeffrey.
What a moving and relatable post. Sibling rivalry is so real and the fact that you saw your dad in a new way was really powerful. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Kate. It's tricky to acknowledge the rivalries and also get over them, isn't it? I feel grateful that my sisters and I manage them as well as we do, still.
“I kind of knew, even then, that my father was behaving badly. It’s one of my first awarenesses of that—among many to come.” You grab me and hold me here. Nothing like the dawning awareness of a parent’s flaws ! I love the layered look-back you provide of this memory. It’s amazing how something we’ve seen one way transforms over time. There was a day I realized I could probably write and examine my past with my artist parents forever. I love the close examination of a single moment, as you provide here.
Thanks so much, Eliza. Yes, I think we are on the same wavelength! Much to discuss--
Thanks for this, Victoria. Love how every culture has its mavericks and rebels. Not always easy to be parented by one though. ✨
It’s all one package, isn’t it?
Unfortunately, yep. By the way, in case you haven't read it, I think you might really enjoy the memoir 'Deceived with Kindness' by Angelica Garnett (Virginia Woolf's neice). Lots of parallels.
Yes— I read it ages ago. I should take another look.