You're circling closer! My question to you is why did he keep his secret? Was it shame? Why did you keep his secret? Could it also have been your sense of shame for him? If so, where does your shame lead you, especially you, a feminist, a very modern person, a person invested in being very modern about gender determination in your own life...could it possibly be shame that you didn't understand his shame in a historical context? Elucidating ones own feelings of anger and shame (at him, at yourself, at his upbringing, at societal pressure) can power a story from one point to the next as your bring the various threads to bear. You're getting there! It's exciting to see.
I had to think about this for a while, Marnie. You're right that shame and anger are emotional drivers here as well as grief, which is what I focused on. I think my father felt shame (how could he not, in the decades he grew up?) and I know I felt anger at the burden of secret-keeping, though that anger battled with my deep sense of loyalty.
I thought that grief was the glue of this memoir, but I could experiment with the other emotions on the page too. Thanks for prompting me!
I loved your thoughtful post, Victoria, and it made me think about how as nonfiction/memoir/biography writers we have to find ways of turning the 'simple' (never simple) facts into a story, that draws readers in and makes them want to read on, eg in H is For Hawk. You do it here with your grandfather's and father's stories, and how they intertwine with your own.
Thanks, Ann! One thing I like about Forster's formulation is that it is useful for both fiction and nonfiction-- to think about where and how emotion creates causes and effects. You've been doing that in your life stories too!
You're circling closer! My question to you is why did he keep his secret? Was it shame? Why did you keep his secret? Could it also have been your sense of shame for him? If so, where does your shame lead you, especially you, a feminist, a very modern person, a person invested in being very modern about gender determination in your own life...could it possibly be shame that you didn't understand his shame in a historical context? Elucidating ones own feelings of anger and shame (at him, at yourself, at his upbringing, at societal pressure) can power a story from one point to the next as your bring the various threads to bear. You're getting there! It's exciting to see.
I had to think about this for a while, Marnie. You're right that shame and anger are emotional drivers here as well as grief, which is what I focused on. I think my father felt shame (how could he not, in the decades he grew up?) and I know I felt anger at the burden of secret-keeping, though that anger battled with my deep sense of loyalty.
I thought that grief was the glue of this memoir, but I could experiment with the other emotions on the page too. Thanks for prompting me!
I loved your thoughtful post, Victoria, and it made me think about how as nonfiction/memoir/biography writers we have to find ways of turning the 'simple' (never simple) facts into a story, that draws readers in and makes them want to read on, eg in H is For Hawk. You do it here with your grandfather's and father's stories, and how they intertwine with your own.
Thanks, Ann! One thing I like about Forster's formulation is that it is useful for both fiction and nonfiction-- to think about where and how emotion creates causes and effects. You've been doing that in your life stories too!
That is so kind of you Victoria. It feels tricky sometimes - mostly having to leave things out, so that the story works.